Don't Think It Can't Happen Here

My son has always been a kind boy, a polite boy. He would do anything for you. People tell me how nice he is all the time. He grew up normally. We are an average family. You wouldn't look at us and think there was a drug problem. My son played hockey. He was involved with the church. He liked to swim. He was a happy kid, friendly. I knew he had a serious side. He could see things about people others missed. He was easily hurt. He began to put up a wall. He pretended he didn't care about things, when he really did.

As he grew older he became more of a loner. I knew he had a binge-type personality. I saw it in his eating habits, in smoking. He had a job where smoking became the focus of breaks and being social. He saw that as a way to be part of a group. From there it was easy for him to move into the smoking group at school.

I think the marijuana use started when he was 16. He fell asleep in class in grade 11 from using it. When he was 18, he used cocaine at a New Year's party with a childhood friend. After that he started smoking crack. Our first clue was missing money. First of all, visiting relatives were missing $100. Then money was missing from us. The amounts got larger.

There were other signs. He lost weight. His hygiene was poor. He didn't try to hide it after awhile. We didn't know what to do. I felt guilty. I blamed myself. I began to second guess every decision I made. In a 2-week period at the height of his addiction, I gave him over $2000 dollars. He had to pay people. I didn't want to give him the money. I was afraid of what he would do to get it if I didn't. I was afraid of what a drug dealer would do to him.

His addiction was so painful for me. Your child still seems like the same person, but when you talk to them it's not the same. You are talking to the drug. You see them wasting away. You know they go to dangerous places. It eats you up. You can't trust them. They are completely disconnected from you.

By the time we forced him to treatment I was numb. Everything we did was focused on him for a time. His siblings resented him for it. They feel like we treat him more carefully. They see the attention he got. They were out doing positive things and we could not focus on them. Treatment was healing. It helped the whole family. They had the tools to let him see the whole picture.

If I were to give advice to other parents I'd say, “PAY ATTENTION, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, ASK THE QUESTION, DON'T BE NAÏVE, DON'T THINK IT CAN'T HAPPEN HERE, GET HELP.”