It Was Destroying Our Family

I have 3 children. The oldest, Matthew, is 23. I believe my husband and I have put our heart and soul into parenting our kids. We have lost Matthew in spite of all our efforts. Matthew started drinking when he was in grade 10. He was one of the “cool” kids. There are lots of reasons we allowed it to happen. Everyone is doing it. All the kids go to bush parties. If we don't let him go he will just lie and go anyway.

Not one of those reasons is good enough anymore. My son Matthew is an alcoholic. I have spent countless nights sick with worry not knowing where he is. I have watched him destroy every good relationship he has had. He has stolen from us. He has wrecked our cars. I have sat in courtrooms. I have watched him cry. I have cleaned the vomit off his face. I watched him lose the driver's license he was so proud to have.

At 16, the drinking is an experiment, they say. They all try it. At 18, they all get “the Pass” to drink legally. For graduation, they party the whole year. Some kids just never stop. Matthew is one of them. He has only been employed sporadically. Two years ago we made him move out of our house. His drinking was destroying our family. Making him leave was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I love Matthew. I love his sense of humour. I love how smart he is. I love how kind he is. But the truth is we only see rare glimpses of the person Matthew is. Most of the time he is angry, sullen and negative. My daughter found him one day holding his dad's hunting rifle. She said the look on his face frightened her. We took all the hunting equipment out of our house that day.

For years we looked for excuses for Matthew's behavior. He has ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder). He is depressed. He has to grow up. He has been to counseling. He has been told by police and judges and probation officers that he has to stop — stop fighting, stop behaving recklessly. People ask why does he do it. Although it breaks my heart, finally I am able to say Matthew is an alcoholic.