I Want to Make it This Time

I'm the mother of 3 kids, and I'm a grandmother. I'm 39 years old and I'm a recovering addict. When I was a teenager in Ontario I drank. I'd steal money from my parents and buy booze and go to parties. When I was 19, I moved here. I got married and had kids. I didn't drink or do drugs. I was married for 5 years. Then my marriage fell apart. I started partying.

First, it was just drinking. I lived with a guy for a while who was an alcoholic. He'd have a drink and I'd have one with him. I know now I'm an alcoholic too. I left him and lived on my own. Then, at a party at my house, someone offered me crack. It was weird at first but I started liking it more and more. I was partying all the time. My oldest daughter had to watch my other 2 kids all the time. Soon I was spending $100 a day on crack. I couldn't pay my rent. I'd buy crack before food. My kids suffered. I lost my home. My ex took my kids. I couldn't see them for a long time. I just kept doing crack. I lost my car. I had to keep moving all the time.

I moved in with the dealer. I had to still pay for the crack at first. But then I'd sleep with him and do other stuff for him for crack. Drugs cost me everything. My kids, my home, my whole life. I've been to treatment 4 times. I'm clean right now. I get to see my kids. I pay my rent. I take the rest of my money and I buy food. I want to make it this time.